Q1: How do we develop the confidence to show people work that we have spent very long making?
Hello there, thank you for sharing your concern! We agree that it can be daunting to showcase our work to others. Just like yourself, we all have our interests and craft which we have also spent a lot of time on. Take for example calligraphy. Some of us have spent so much time refining our calligraphy, but we still never had a lot of confidence in our works, much less showing it to others. Part of the reason some of us feel this way is that calligraphy seems like a niche interest to the majority of the students in Singapore, therefore conclusions always play out in our brains when we want to try and show off our artworks: Will they understand and like the artwork? Will they not understand? Feel bewildered? Laugh at me for my hobby? These thoughts have probably flashed through your head when you showed off your work. Humbled as we all are, we keep thinking that other people’s hobbies are much “cooler” and “better” and think less of ourselves. We know this is negative thinking, but how exactly do we build up the confidence to show off our hard work to people? Here are three points you can consider:
Surround yourself with supportive people
While it is normal to feel worried that others may not enjoy something you have devoted hours upon hours completing, this fear can be reduced simply by surrounding yourself with more supportive people. Think about your closest friends, the people you show your true self to. Would the first reaction they have, upon seeing a creation that you put your heart into, be one of disgust? We sure hope not, or that’ll be a whole other can of worms to deal with. Regardless, now imagine that everyone around you is reacting with joy and admiration, the way your best friends do. That is how it should be, and if your fears have been formed by negative past experiences, then perhaps consider finding more caring and positive people to be around. Surround yourself with a community that appreciates your hard work and encourages you to be the best version of yourself, such as other people who enjoy the same craft as you, rather than hiding who you are! If you are unable to find people with the same hobbies as you, fret not as the internet is a great way to make new connections, and you may even learn a few tips along the way, especially from people who have experienced the same emotions as you. A supportive environment provides you with much-needed validation, which becomes a powerful catalyst in instilling in you the idea that your creations are worthy of praise. While constructive criticism can be beneficial for growth, the line between that and a poorly disguised insult should never be crossed, for honesty without kindness is cruelty. Do avoid people who do nothing but fill your head with negative thoughts. It is important to have faith in yourself, and find people that have faith in you!
Believe in yourself, and cheer yourself on!
As cliché as it might sound, the first step to developing confidence is to find it within yourself. While it is affirming to seek the approval and praise of others to bolster your confidence, it is also important that you are first and foremost confident in your abilities. Believe and have faith in yourself! You can reflect on your work process, and acknowledge the small wins you’ve gained along the way. Recognise and celebrate each step of the process, and you’ll soon be able to see how much you have grown, and how your work has improved. Over time, you’ll build a positive self-image and greater self-confidence. To maintain this level of self-confidence, remember to cheer yourself on! The words you direct to yourself have a large influence on your confidence. Self-deprecating thoughts are often destructive and can chip away at your confidence as self-doubt clouds your mind, leaving you to worry whether you’re doing enough, or if your work is up to standard. Be mindful of the way you think of yourself, and practise positive thinking! Challenge these negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations of your strengths. Focus on the time you have spent and the effort you have put into creating this piece of work, and feel proud of all the work you’ve put in. Having faith in yourself and positive thinking, you can develop the confidence you need!
Practise more to gain familiarity and confidence
Additionally, you can consider practising more and creating more of the work in your free time! Practice may not make perfect, but it certainly does make progress. The more you practise, the more familiar and experienced you get, and hence the better and more skilled you will become at what you do. Do you find that there are specific areas in your work you feel less confident about and think can be improved? Perhaps one suggestion to overcome this would be to make your practices more targeted and focused by identifying your areas of weakness beforehand and then working to overcome them and make changes. This not only prevents you from slipping into the cycle of repeating the same mistakes over and over, but also allows you to see improvements in your abilities and craft, and feel even better as a whole about the work you have made. Alternatively, just engaging in your usual, normal practices can also allow you to become more acquainted with the steps and processes, therefore boosting your confidence in what you do. From there, you’ll then hopefully feel more willing and less afraid to show others what you have made, as you have faith and believe in yourself, that the work you have made is a product of good quality and much effort and hard work on your part!
Having the confidence to show your work to others is definitely not easy. But with these three simple recommendations, we hope that you are able to gain some confidence in your work. There are bound to be people who are critical to unjustified extents, as the saying goes: Even if you tried your best to become the nicest, juiciest, sweetest peach among all the peaches, there are always people who do not like peaches. Hang out with people who can appreciate you and your artwork for what it is, people who will be proud of your growth in your craft. Practise self-respect, and you will realise that others are not as judgemental as you think. Finally, believe that you can be so much more with time and practice! All the best!
Q2: How do I balance positive and negative thoughts?
Is your glass half full or half empty? This analogy has been revered as a means to our way of thinking. As much as we agree that there is some truth to this little test, we must also acknowledge that, in reality, the truth is not always so clear cut. Someone who has drunk half of the water from the cup would say that it is half empty, while another who is going to refill the half-filled cup may say that it is half full. Contextualising the question allows us to give answers that work in the context. This goes with positive and negative thoughts. Only by learning when to oscillate between both thoughts, can we navigate life more comfortably.
Before going into methods to balance positive and negative thoughts, it is important to consider the purpose of finding this balance.
Negative thoughts can adversely affect our mental health — through worsening anxiety and depression, consequently affecting our physical well-being as well. Excessive amounts of negative thoughts will make us feel powerless, and may turn people away to avoid the negativity we radiate. In comparison, positive thoughts contribute to better coping skills during times of stress, lower rates of depression, and even increase one’s life span. A healthy dose of joy and pleasure can cure our worries, and become a motivational source during tough times.
Despite all these benefits, positivity in excess — toxic positivity, can backfire. With toxic positivity, negative emotions are seen as inherently bad, thus invalidating us for feeling bad and essentially denying us of feeling human. This suppression of our negative emotions exacerbates our distress. Thus, while positivity may improve our quality of living, embracing negative thoughts may allow us to better process our emotions. This allows us to work on finding solutions to our problems, therefore it is essential to find a good balance between positivity and negativity.
So, how do we find a balance between them?
Acknowledging both sides of the spectrum
We often limit our perspective to one side of the spectrum. However, it is vital to understand that both negative and positive thoughts have a place. Acknowledging both of them allows them to coexist, thereby giving us a better perspective of our situation moving forward. Whilst a seemingly easy concept to understand, it is innately challenging. This is because humans are biologically born with negative biases; we are designed to focus on the negatives. To better acknowledge both thoughts, you can practise treating positivity as an elevator and negativity as an anchor: While positivity motivates you to keep going, negativity serves as a constant reminder to keep yourself in check and not to go too high up. A good example of this would be to set realistic academic goals. While it is important to be positive and aim for high scores to drive motivation, we should also consider what our limits are, and how much we are willing to sacrifice to do well for our next exam. This allows us to find the balance between what we want and what we are capable of, thus creating realistic expectations that can better support us. Practising this frequently will make us more objective and prevent us from having overly polarised thoughts which can never be close to the truth.
Seeking alternative perspectives
At times, our thoughts may be driven by our emotions and influenced by various subconscious factors such as adrenaline, cortisol, genetics, biases, habits, and upbringing. Therefore, there will be occasions where our emotions, both positive and negative, can feel a little overwhelming. However, trying to rationally evaluate our feelings by ourselves may be difficult without a professional or external perspective, resulting in biased, unreliable conclusions. This may then send us spiralling into our negative emotions. Therefore, it can be helpful to get a third party to evaluate the situation and offer objective feedback that might help put these emotions into perspective, which can offer a fresh overview of the context and allow us to reorientate our frame of mind.
What would this look like in practice? One example would be having a social circle to act as a safety net when we find ourselves feeling down and depressed. Approaching trusted adults is also a way to garner more informed points of view.
Seeking alternative perspectives can also take the form of absorbing situational information. For example, when we are overly ecstatic after receiving an A grade for a subject we have struggled with for a long time — step back and take a look around, as observing others’ emotional responses is also a form of gathering situational information. By putting ourselves in their shoes, we prevent ourselves from becoming insensitive and arrogant when others may be experiencing disappointment or distress.
The notion of balance transcends mere luck or coincidence — it is not a destination waiting to be stumbled upon, but rather a deliberate endeavour sculpted by our choices and actions. Striking a balance between positive and negative thoughts is largely a matter of context and framing. Acknowledging the purpose behind this equilibrium is crucial, as extremes on either end can adversely affect our mental and physical health. Unchecked negativity may lead to mental health issues, while excessive positivity can result in toxic attitudes. Navigating this balance involves recognising both sides of the spectrum, and understanding the appropriate situations that demand these different approaches. Cultivating realistic expectations thereby forms the building blocks for developing a healthy outlook towards life’s challenges, paving the way for a more resilient and flexible approach to everyday life.
All in all, by taking in different perspectives, contexts and situations, we will not only be able to regulate our emotions at the moment but also learn how to react in similar situations in the future, growing our emotional intelligence, self-awareness and ultimately, learning how to find the sweet spot between our positive and negative emotions.
The Origin* 